August has been quiet, which we knew it would be - lots of vacationing going on in Haiti. I get it, people vacation, people need breaks, people have lives of their own....
But man, my life feels like it has stopped tonight. The ache down deep in my heart tonight is FOR.REAL. The desire to hug my girls, to know they are safe, to give them their baths, to kiss them good night and double air-kiss like I do with my kids here - all that deep down is aching.
I know, I know - in Gods timing and I will obey that, but tonight it hurts....
So I turn to my worship music to help me remember that.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."
I am trying to have that faith that goes so deep I can't falter, that I can't doubt, that I keep my eyes totally on God. But tonight, that seems impossible. If I put my music on repeat, maybe that will help??
When that failed, I had a chat with God.
Reassuring: "God you know the absolute perfect time to bring them home."
Claiming promises: "You will never leave me and won't give me more than I can handle."
Praying in faith: "This plan you started in motion, You will finish."
Somehow the tears still come tonight.....
I know eventually I will fall asleep with tears on my pillow and wake up to a new day feeling closer to God and truly lying in His hands....but tonight.....tonight is just.plain.hard!!