Not gonna lie - this week has been a difficult week for Mom!!
I want so badly to have my girls home, to love on them, to have them enjoying things we do as a family, to be able to give them a kiss when they fall down, to be able to brush their hair, to be able to do all the "mom things" that I do with the kids already in my house.
I can step back and see that all of this will come to happen in God's time, that He knows the perfect design for how and when it will all come true. Because that's what it seems like most days - a dream that I'm waiting to wake up from. I KNOW that God will take care of all the details, but this week has been a difficult one. I don't want to wait any more, I want to snap my fingers and have my girls here with me.
Today my 7 kiddos went to the eye dr. I talked about my other two girls coming home and I let the words, "hopefully by the time we come back in a year, they will be with us" come out of my mouth. I know I haven't lost hope, I am hopeful, but sometimes my hope grows dim and I feel like it will never happen....that the chunk of my heart that feels empty will never be filled.
So during this most difficult time of waiting, I will fill that empty space in my heart with God's Word, with prayers said through tears, with a voice so loud I think I shout at God, with lyrics of songs that God puts in my mind:
-.....so we wait, we wait for You. God we wait, You're coming soon.
-.....If your heart's in a thousand pieces, If you're lost and you're far from reason, Just look up, and know you are loved
-.....Promise maker, Promise keeper, You finish what you begin
-.....More of you, less of me. Make me who I'm meant to be.
All of these songs have been on repeat (ask my kids, they are starting to get sick of them). Anything I can do to keep the devil out and not let him get a foothold!
Flee from me devil - this mama is holding strong to the promises of God and His plan for my life!!
A friend of ours is heading to Haiti and he is going to stop by the crèche and tell my girls that their Papa and Mama are still thinking about them constantly and loving them from far away. I am also getting a board book ready to send to our agency of pictures of us together and then one of the ladies will take it on their next trip to the crèche, so that gives me hope - just some sort of communication! We've been home for 10 weeks and it feels like 10 years!! Please Lord, let the time start to fly by and the paper work start to move!!
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
It's a Friday.....
....and Friday's in our house mean more than just a weekend coming. It's a day when we start listening for "popcorn". Ryan and I have assigned our case worker a special tone on our phones when an email comes from her (a genius idea, thank you Apple, inc!) Mondays and Fridays are when a local representative from our agency goes to the IBESR in Haiti and checks on cases. So any news that comes through, will be on a Monday or Friday. Quite frankly, I'm just waking up by Tuesdays so I usually miss Mondays as being a prospective time to hear popcorn. But Friday.....I don't miss those days!!
We have been home 4 weeks and 2 days. While I don't count the days each day - I do after awhile. Wondering what my girls have been up to. Is W's cough better, is D still doing well in her French, did they have good days playing with their friends, did they get a hug today from anyone? These are just a few things I think about so much. I know they are being cared for in their orphanage, their basic needs are being met - fed, bathed, and clothed. And yes, this is more than I can say for most orphans in Haiti and for that I am thankful. But understand, these are my daughters and I want so much more for them. I want D to have a reason to break out in one of her huge smiles that make her big, beautiful eyes squint at the edges like mama's do. I want W to be able to hang her thin little arms around her daddy's neck and see that look of safety in her eyes. I want so much for those two little girls, actually, for all the kids in that orphanage. We came to love all the kids at NPLH and we would take more than the 2 we are matched with if we could.
God placed us in this journey with another couple whom we haven't even known that long, but I am forever grateful for their friendships. The husband is a hilarious, fun-loving guy who could always bring a good perspective to the situation. The wife, well she is a life jacket to me! We have been checking in with each other since returning home and quite simply, she just gets it. She described our time right now as living in a tunnel. It is so accurate. And without getting too heavy on here about where my head and heart is at - it just describes it to a nutshell.....a tunnel. Sometimes, I feel like I am going through the motions and trying my hardest to be present, but at times, I just can't. I try to be the upbeat person I normally am, sometimes I succeed and other times I feel like people can see right through me. However, even though I'm in my tunnel most days, I know God comes to me there. I love that - that He will come to where you are at anytime, in any mood, in any shape. I Peter 5:10 - "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."
Ryan and I had another conversation that I will have to tackle another post, but it started with....
It doesn't stop here....It doesn't stop with just bringing our girls home....God started us on this journey and we have no idea where it is going to take us. All we know is that God is working on our hearts right now.....and we were shocked to hear that both of us felt pulls towards more - it just isn't clear what that "more" is right now. Pray for us to hear God's voice in our busy lives, that we can distinguish what God is wanting from us, from our family. And as always, pray for my daughters in a country far away, but not far from my heart!!
We have been home 4 weeks and 2 days. While I don't count the days each day - I do after awhile. Wondering what my girls have been up to. Is W's cough better, is D still doing well in her French, did they have good days playing with their friends, did they get a hug today from anyone? These are just a few things I think about so much. I know they are being cared for in their orphanage, their basic needs are being met - fed, bathed, and clothed. And yes, this is more than I can say for most orphans in Haiti and for that I am thankful. But understand, these are my daughters and I want so much more for them. I want D to have a reason to break out in one of her huge smiles that make her big, beautiful eyes squint at the edges like mama's do. I want W to be able to hang her thin little arms around her daddy's neck and see that look of safety in her eyes. I want so much for those two little girls, actually, for all the kids in that orphanage. We came to love all the kids at NPLH and we would take more than the 2 we are matched with if we could.
God placed us in this journey with another couple whom we haven't even known that long, but I am forever grateful for their friendships. The husband is a hilarious, fun-loving guy who could always bring a good perspective to the situation. The wife, well she is a life jacket to me! We have been checking in with each other since returning home and quite simply, she just gets it. She described our time right now as living in a tunnel. It is so accurate. And without getting too heavy on here about where my head and heart is at - it just describes it to a nutshell.....a tunnel. Sometimes, I feel like I am going through the motions and trying my hardest to be present, but at times, I just can't. I try to be the upbeat person I normally am, sometimes I succeed and other times I feel like people can see right through me. However, even though I'm in my tunnel most days, I know God comes to me there. I love that - that He will come to where you are at anytime, in any mood, in any shape. I Peter 5:10 - "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."
Ryan and I had another conversation that I will have to tackle another post, but it started with....
It doesn't stop here....It doesn't stop with just bringing our girls home....God started us on this journey and we have no idea where it is going to take us. All we know is that God is working on our hearts right now.....and we were shocked to hear that both of us felt pulls towards more - it just isn't clear what that "more" is right now. Pray for us to hear God's voice in our busy lives, that we can distinguish what God is wanting from us, from our family. And as always, pray for my daughters in a country far away, but not far from my heart!!
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
A New Normal....
I am sitting here drinking a cup of hot cocoa - so different from where I was just a week ago. I was sitting in a Haitian airport with sweat running down my back and face, wondering how I was going to make my legs move forward enough to get me on an airplane to fly out of a country that still held my girls!
The most common question we get....that is, when I choose to go out into the real world, which quite frankly, I am perfectly content being in confinement in my home.... is "How was your trip?" The person is usually beaming from ear to ear and expecting an exciting response from me. Sometimes, I fake it, "Oh, it was good." Sometimes I respond, "Well....you know..." while cringing inside. And then other times I just break down, becoming a hot mess feeling like my heart is literally being ripped out all over again. I know people don't understand. I certainly didn't before I left!! And really there is no way to understand unless you have gone through this process.
We had two wonderful weeks with our daughters. Most of their personal life I will keep private, because after all, it is their story. Please don't be offended - that's just how we are going to do things. There is no manual for how all this goes down, so we are choosing to write our own!!
These two weeks we were to "socialize and bond" with our girls. We did all that and more. Our oldest of the two girls (D) was much more aware of what was going on, especially at the end of our time. She didn't like to see me cry and in fact, came over and wiped my tears away. She is beautiful, bold and bouncy!! She is a Batchelor through and through!!
Our younger girl (W) is a more shy, timid, and charming little girl. She would hang on our necks like she never wanted to let go. I am not sure how much she truly understands what is going on - and part of me prefers it that way. We would explain who the people in the pictures were and she would dutifully repeat their names and we would tell her they were her brothers and sisters, but I'm not sure how much of that she comprehended - it's a lot for a little gal!!
We are amazed at how God picked these girls out for our family. They are truly similar to some of their brothers and sisters!! God has taken care of them thus far and we will continue to rest in the fact that He will take care of them until we can physically bring them home. There will obviously be bumps along the road, but we are ready to tackle those bumps together as a family.
The 7 kiddos here did wonderful while we were separated! Shouts out to my sisters, brothers-in-law and parents who took such good care of them. I'm not sure most of them wanted to come home!! We will continue to talk through things with them and help them to understand the process and what's going to happen.
As of right now, we have no idea when they girls will get to come home. From what we can tell, it will still be at least a year before all the paperwork, courts, procedures, etc are complete. While this seems like a daunting time frame - I am resting in the fact that my God I serve is powerful, that He can make this timeline shorter if He desires. I am completely resting in the fact that His timing is perfect, as it has been thus far - not gonna lie - sometimes I have to remind myself of this every hour!!
So that leaves us here - in this process of figuring out what our new normal is. We left parts of our hearts in Haiti but I am glad that I serve a God who is in the business of healing hearts!! We would love to have your support through prayers.
The most common question we get....that is, when I choose to go out into the real world, which quite frankly, I am perfectly content being in confinement in my home.... is "How was your trip?" The person is usually beaming from ear to ear and expecting an exciting response from me. Sometimes, I fake it, "Oh, it was good." Sometimes I respond, "Well....you know..." while cringing inside. And then other times I just break down, becoming a hot mess feeling like my heart is literally being ripped out all over again. I know people don't understand. I certainly didn't before I left!! And really there is no way to understand unless you have gone through this process.
We had two wonderful weeks with our daughters. Most of their personal life I will keep private, because after all, it is their story. Please don't be offended - that's just how we are going to do things. There is no manual for how all this goes down, so we are choosing to write our own!!
These two weeks we were to "socialize and bond" with our girls. We did all that and more. Our oldest of the two girls (D) was much more aware of what was going on, especially at the end of our time. She didn't like to see me cry and in fact, came over and wiped my tears away. She is beautiful, bold and bouncy!! She is a Batchelor through and through!!
Our younger girl (W) is a more shy, timid, and charming little girl. She would hang on our necks like she never wanted to let go. I am not sure how much she truly understands what is going on - and part of me prefers it that way. We would explain who the people in the pictures were and she would dutifully repeat their names and we would tell her they were her brothers and sisters, but I'm not sure how much of that she comprehended - it's a lot for a little gal!!
We are amazed at how God picked these girls out for our family. They are truly similar to some of their brothers and sisters!! God has taken care of them thus far and we will continue to rest in the fact that He will take care of them until we can physically bring them home. There will obviously be bumps along the road, but we are ready to tackle those bumps together as a family.
The 7 kiddos here did wonderful while we were separated! Shouts out to my sisters, brothers-in-law and parents who took such good care of them. I'm not sure most of them wanted to come home!! We will continue to talk through things with them and help them to understand the process and what's going to happen.
As of right now, we have no idea when they girls will get to come home. From what we can tell, it will still be at least a year before all the paperwork, courts, procedures, etc are complete. While this seems like a daunting time frame - I am resting in the fact that my God I serve is powerful, that He can make this timeline shorter if He desires. I am completely resting in the fact that His timing is perfect, as it has been thus far - not gonna lie - sometimes I have to remind myself of this every hour!!
So that leaves us here - in this process of figuring out what our new normal is. We left parts of our hearts in Haiti but I am glad that I serve a God who is in the business of healing hearts!! We would love to have your support through prayers.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
It's been so long, so long, so long....
It has been a long ten (almost 11) months of silence.
We had a trickle of information come in last weekend, Aug. 16th.
But we still wait...
The next step is our official referral (finding out who our kiddos will be) and all the details they know about them. We are very anxious and we both feel we are getting closer and closer. This step is typically taking about 12 months to complete (we are almost at 11 months!).
However, in this time of waiting, God has built our financial resources up! We are less than 10% away from being fully funded!!!! God is good and while we think He isn't doing anything, He truly is by providing for our future needs!!!
So keep hanging on with us! We know the wait can be boring, we know the wait can be daunting.....
but it's all in God timing and we are clinging to that!
Hopefully our next blog will be more details about our kiddos!
We had a trickle of information come in last weekend, Aug. 16th.
But we still wait...
The next step is our official referral (finding out who our kiddos will be) and all the details they know about them. We are very anxious and we both feel we are getting closer and closer. This step is typically taking about 12 months to complete (we are almost at 11 months!).
However, in this time of waiting, God has built our financial resources up! We are less than 10% away from being fully funded!!!! God is good and while we think He isn't doing anything, He truly is by providing for our future needs!!!
So keep hanging on with us! We know the wait can be boring, we know the wait can be daunting.....
but it's all in God timing and we are clinging to that!
Hopefully our next blog will be more details about our kiddos!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Four Leaf Clover Wish
Monday, March 2, 2015
Our next fundraiser!
139 envelopes
So here's how it works - there are 139 envelopes - why 139? Great question!!!
Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such a knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me."
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when i was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
you adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,
and abhor those who rise up again you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts,
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
You choose an envelope, and you donate that amount of money. It's that simple.
If you choose envelope #5, you donate $5. If you choose envelope #139, you donate $139. You get the idea, right? Some select envelopes will have bonus items associated with them (Ex: candy bar, coloring page, gift cards, etc.... so choose wisely, you may just end up with a gem from our family!)
We will keep everyone updated on what numbers have already been purchased and which envelopes are still available. If there is a denomination that you really want and someone already took that envelope, choose two envelopes to add up to that number! We also would love to hear why you chose a number if it is special to you! For example, I had a sweet friend who was going to buy a necklace and she gave us the money instead of purchasing the necklace. It was a touching gesture that I had never thought of doing, and want to start being more proactive about doing the same thing!
If we get all 139 envelopes, we will raise almost $10,000 ($9619 to be exact)! AMAZING! This would almost take care of our last LARGE payment that is due. We are continually blessed and astounded at how God has taken care of our finances with this whole journey. He has always provided and we trust in Him to finish this journey with us! Want to join us? Either message (email, FaceBook message, text or reply somehow!) and tell me what number envelop you would like.
**As a side note - this fundraiser came from my daughters heart. She is a giver, a compassionate hearted person that loves people. She came to me wanting to sell things like potholders, rainbow loom bands, etc. I wasn't sure how that would come about, seeing as the market isn't necessarily booming for those kinds of items! However, I didn't want to squash her spirit. She then said that she wanted to give some of her personal money towards raising funds for the adoption. Again, I didn't want to take her money, since she and her siblings are raising enough money for a plane ticket home for one of the kiddos. I prayed and prayed about how I could involve her more, since she was obviously interested in being actively involved in raising funds. So I started searching for ways for her to be involved. This is where the idea started and we, as a family, decided this was a fun way for everyone to be involved.**
Monday, January 26, 2015
God at work!
Sending thankful prayers up to my God today!
One of my friends just got a travel date notice to go and pick up their son! This other mama and I have been on our adoption journey together for over a year. I am soooo grateful that they get to meet and give him a forever home very, very soon! God is good all the time!
I know it is quiet on our end here recently, but praise God with me today loudly that He knows exactly what He is doing - matching families, clearing government red tape, sending out travel dates, etc! God is working for those that don't have an earthly family YET!
One of my friends just got a travel date notice to go and pick up their son! This other mama and I have been on our adoption journey together for over a year. I am soooo grateful that they get to meet and give him a forever home very, very soon! God is good all the time!
I know it is quiet on our end here recently, but praise God with me today loudly that He knows exactly what He is doing - matching families, clearing government red tape, sending out travel dates, etc! God is working for those that don't have an earthly family YET!
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