Adventures in Haiti

We had quite the outing on Tuesday.  We have come to really love some organizations in Haiti.  We believe in empowering Haitians to better their own country.  Two of our favorite organizations do just this in Haiti.  Our first outing of the day led us clear up into the beautiful mountains of Haiti.  The children had been seeing the mountains in the distance, so we were glad for the opportunity to show them more….. and well…. it’s cooler and  who doesn’t want to experience cooler weather when you’ve been in the city heat for 5 days!!  Espwa Berlanica (look them up on FB) is an organization that cares for malnourished babies.  It is so much more than that, but in a nutshell, that is their main focus.  We were given our tour by the founder, Rhyan, who started Espwa 18 months ago.  If you are looking for a place to invest in, this is the place.  Along with treating malnutrition, they also train and educate mama’s so they can better their lives for their families, with the goal being for parents to be able to care for their children (once they are well enough to return home) to avoid these children being placed in an orphanage. The people that work at the center are Haitans who have been trained in taking care of these special little babies!  We were blown away at all they do for the surrounding community and the fact that they will not turn away a sick child!  The government and other orphanages are now becoming aware of this organization and sending children their way.  There are a number of ways to support them, so I encourage you to consider them!

When leaving Espwa, we had another adventure.  Our car wouldn’t start – no shocker there!  We all piled out and sat alongside while our driver did what Haitians do best – adapt and overcome!  As we were sitting on the side, they got the car started, however, black smoke started pouring out of the car directly in our faces.  We all scrambled up, running two different ways, all the while screaming.  D happened to go my way, but W went the other way.  As soon as I saw D was ok, I rushed through the smoke to find W.  Her eyes were HUGE, and she was definitely searching for me.  I scooper her up and her heart was beating so fast!!  We all laughed about it after, but at the time, my peeps were scared!!  I love that we now have a family joke – our whole family can understand!!  The kids still talk about machin fou (the crazy car). 

After the excitement, we piled back in machin fou and traveled to ApParent Project (not-for-profit) or Papillion Enterprises (for-profit).  I have been to this organization several times now and love the experience every time!  This organization’s focus is to keep families together with the motto of “Orphan prevention through job creation.”  With donated items and locally purchased items, artisans create pieces – everything from pottery, jewelry, t-shirts, purses, dolls, Christmas ornaments, and so much more!!  By making these items, they have steady jobs to provide money for their families, therefore, allowing mama’s to be able to keep their babies instead of feeling forced to give up their children.  Our children were able to see how collected cereal boxes are cut into strips, rolled into paper beads, coated with a clear glaze, and assembled into necklaces.  It was a great picture of how a small action in the United States can result in huge changes in Haiti.  We haven’t met the founder, Shelley, but she just put out a book (called, “Shelley in Haiti”) that I am itching to read…..in my down time….whenever that is!!  We went upstairs to eat lunch at the café – frozen lemonades, gigantic hotdogs (of which my small little W ate 2!!!!)  We then shopped until Papa’s wallet dropped!  It’s my favorite store in Haiti!! 

Then we were off to the store to pick up some groceries for lunch and the girls cake for a goodbye party at the orphanage.  I knew this would be an emotional day for me, and it was!!  We told (via our translator) our girls that this would be the last time at the creche and to say goodbye to their friends.  They left with smiles and hefty goodbyes, but I can only imagine what all is going on in their hearts!! 

We are all still getting along here just fine.  We have some kids that pair up more naturally, but everyone is doing fine.  We had some with upset tummies and temperatures yesterday, but everyone woke up feeling better this morning.  D and W are getting so good in the pool, with less and less clawing and scrambling.  It truly has been a life-saver for these parents that are trying hard to entertain 9 children!  Our main focus is family-time, and we have been so fortunate to have that undivided attention!  The girls say they are ready to go home tomorrow, however, it will be into next week before we are paper-work ready for that.  We are still waiting on medicals, one passport, visas and a travel authorization and then we are outta here.  We are hoping to come home as one family, however, if the paperwork continues to trickle in, we will have to start sending some people home.  This is not our wish – we want to come home as one family strong – but the money and Daddy’s days off only go so far!  Pray with us that this happen!!  Ryan and I are so glad we decided to bring everyone – this trip has been a life changer for all of us! 

It's Go Time!

Tomorrow is the day!!

Tomorrow we go and get our girls to bring them home!  Just over 4 years ago, we started off on this journey.  So many ups and downs, however, one thing has been consistent and that's the God we serve!  He has had His hand in this adoption from the very beginning, even before we applied to adopt.  We feel honored that He chose us to be D and W's forever parents.

Our U.S. kids have lots of emotions going on - we've been talking through what everyone is feeling since booking our tickets on Monday.  I've heard everything from butterflies, anxious, scared, excited, nervous, happy it's almost over, etc.  We have a few kids that are a little unsettled, mainly with the travel.  For the most part, it is excitement about meeting the girls.  We were able to send another video through our friend to D and W.  We told them we would be coming tomorrow and that this was the trip in which we would be bringing them home.... on the big airplane.  We've been talking about the big airplane with them since April 2016.  It's go time girlies!

If you would remember us in prayer with a few specific things:
*For our girls hearts - so many new experiences that we wish we could just gloss over, but they are leaving everything they know, love, smell, friends, people constantly around them that look like them, food, environment, Nannies, beds, everything.  This part of international adoption makes me sad.  I have wrestled and wrestled with what they might experience and I can't even come close to imaging!  Please pray for their hearts and big-time trust that we will get them home.

*We still need some documents to come through while we are there.  Please pray for speediness so that Ryan and I can rest a little easier knowing all of that is taken care of.  We also have some friends that you could lift up.  God knew I would need these two ladies walking the road with me, and He gave me some great ones!  Please pray for their adoption paperwork as well!

*For our U.S. kids - they have heard the lovely stories of the Haitian airport.  That's where most of the anxiety comes from.  We had a long talk with the kids here about this being just a small part of what D and W will go through when they come back with us.

*Bonding to continue to happen, walls to start coming down brick by brick, and trust to continue to develop.  All of these things will take time, we realize that, but every time we go, we remove bricks and barriers.

*Health - for all of us.  Yeah, just health!!

We will do our best to keep updates coming, but we also aren't going to be connected to the internet constantly because we are soaking up our new family.  We have waited so long to have everyone in ONE country!!

We thank you all so much for praying for us, supporting us during the hard times, giving financially to assist us, talking me off the ledge when I would go to the dark side!

It's Go Time!

Home stretch

Today is a special day.  4 years ago today we sent in our application to adopt.  We didn't know whom God was going to complete our family with, but we were assured He already knew them by name and how many hairs were on their heads.

Looking back in the rear view mirror, we were at times naïve, at times scared, at times frustrated with the whole process, at times scared, and at times so excited we didn't think we could keep waiting!  God matched our girls perfectly to our family.  Ryan and I still vividly remember meeting our 2 beauties for the first time.  So much emotion, so much nerves, and so much joy.  From the beginning, I was introduced as Mama and Ryan introduced as Papa.  I was torn - that was a title I felt I needed to earn.  But, WOW!  It felt so good for them to call me Mama!  While I still am not sure I've earned that title properly - I am a lot closer.  I am fortunate that I have gotten to be with my babies on 4 different occasions.  They open up more and more every time I am with them.  We are slowly peeling away the layers of learning everything about each other.

Fast forward 4 years, and last night Ryan and I were able to apply for Visa's for our girls!  VISA'S!!!  This is HUGE!!  While we still can't be cleared to travel yet, we are inching closer and closer to the finish line.  Those same emotions I had earlier - the feelings of naivety, anxiousness, frustration, fear and excitement - are all still very real and alive today in the present with our impending homecoming!  Actually, I feel all those emotions and so many more times about 1,000.  Not to mention, those emotions change about 1,000 times a day.  Yes, I've been "fun" to live with!!  So many what-if's, grieving for my girls, anxious about all the children jiving together, etc, etc.  So much going on in the Batch house!!

I am thankful that God took care of us 4 years ago, just like He is today.  I have come to learn to stop and pray immediately when the fears, doubts, and frustrations start to creep in.  He's got all that under control and I am so thankful for that!!

We are hoping for a 2 to 3 week homecoming, but obviously, that could all change - longer or shorter - depending on a few things!  We would love some prayers in the mean time!!

• D and W leaving behind everything they know and everyone they love.  
• Safe travels and all on one flight.  Since the 7 kids here are traveling with us this time - we have a, ahem.... larger party to book last minute!  
• Final paperwork to come through timely, but completely.  
• Health for everyone, but mainly our W as she has some strikes already against her!  
• Going through customs can be tricky and it seems to never be the same for one family to the next.  
• Finally, pray peace and endurance over us - we have a long road ahead of us, we realized that, but Mama is beyond ready to have her babies together in one country!!!

As always, thanks for all the love, prayers and support we have been given over the last 4 years!  This is definitely a team game and we can't wait for you to meet our newest members!  

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

Can you all hear that????!!! 
That's the sound of the clock ticking for D and W to come HOME!!  We have officially entered USCIS (Customs and Immigration).  We couldn't be more excited!!  We should have our girls home in approximately 6-8 weeks!!!!  Yep, you read that right...... 6 to 8 weeks!!

The Steps Left:
The fine people at USCIS will comb over our girls files and make sure everything is needed. 
At the same time this step is happening, we should receive the girls passports.  We have been in this step for two weeks and are anxiously awaiting the word that they are ready for pick up!! 
USCIS will then either say we are completed or ask for more documents.
After USCIS approval, we wait for the Visa's to be printed and then we get the green light to travel.

We are still a go for taking the whole crew.  Much chatter happened today about what would be taken and what there just wasn't room to take in suitcases!  It was exciting to hear them plan about what the country would be like, how hot it would be, and what to expect with their new sisters!  I am still pinching myself about this happening.

Our two biggest prayer requests:
**Our youngest daughter has had some health concerns that we are asking prayer for.  We need her little body to hold up awhile longer until we can get her home to some specialists.  Please pray healing for her and for the right people to have compassion on her case to rush her through.

**Prayer for the girls to be brave - they are leaving so much and it will be quite scary to leave everything they know!  They have to have a lot of trust in us and hopefully we have built enough trust to calm their little hearts the minute we take them from the orphanage.

Mommy .....the sweetest name!

What a trip.  I finally feel well enough to blog about my trip to Haiti.  I came down with D's cold and have been miserable since returning home - emotionally and physically!

C and I left early, early Wednesday morning on our flight for her to meet her sisters!  Silly me, I thought she would go to sleep on one of the plane rides.... yeah right mama!!  When we got to the Haitian airport, we met up with my dear sweet friends who are traveling this adoption journey with me!  God has provided these ladies for me in a way I never knew I needed!  They have been my support, my laughs, my crying buddies, and have definitely covered for me a time or two!  Anyways, back to the airport....  I had strict instructions for C when we got off the plane and she did great.  It's one of the most stressful parts of the trip!  She said later it was a bit overwhelming, but nothing she couldn't handle.

We drove to the crèche, however, were quickly disappointed with the news that we couldn't see them that night.  C started to tear up, the mama's started murmuring about how we could catapult over the gate, and one of the dad's showed pictures of previous trips with his girls..... but alas, no gate was opened and we went home disappointed.  We have all been down this road for almost 4 years, I guess we could wait another 14 hours..... I guess.....

The next morning we were set to meet C's sisters.  I saw D first and her smile melted my heart.  We have to wait for the girls to be presented to us, so even though they were close, we had to wait.... more!!  Then they finally were released to come over to us.  They immediately came and gave me hugs and cautiously looked at C.  They knew the face from pictures, but didn't get the name right away.

We went over to the all-familiar mango tree and started playing with our kids.  It was incredible the way they remember things we have done together.  I try to bring back things that they really enjoyed to trigger memories.  I immediately had to explain to them that this was not the pick-up trip (ugh, gut punch!) and that Papa wasn't here because he had to stay home and work, but that we were trying to get all the paperwork done so we could bring them home to their house. 

We then got to explain that we would take them to the guesthouse for a couple days to spend the day together.  I'm not sure they understood what this meant.  When we came back the following day to get them, my girls were very cautious and quiet - taking it all in.  When we got to my room, they saw my familiar bags and I think understood what was going on.  We got changed and headed to the pool, which, by the way, they claimed they could swim.... pretty sure that was their first time in a pool!  Much clawing, grasping, squealing, laughter, and memories were made that first hour in the pool!  

The following days flew by - so many firsts for me and my daughters!  I got to feed them lunch, bathe them, eat dinner with them, do a partial hair repair, paint with them, help them choose what to wear, take a try at communicating with them all by myself in Creole, take a nap with them laying next to me, and so much more!  It was the first time I truly felt like their mama.  My youngest, W, called me Mommy almost the whole time we were there..... melt.my.heart!  Here are a few more pictures to enjoy!!

W kept asking to call her Papa on the telefon.  So we got to face time daddy and the other kids which was a big hit.  I had a couple instances where I finally KNEW that they were beginning to understand what was going to happen.  I know God had me go on this trip to give me confidence that I could do this mommy-ing thing to them.  I know that God had C go with me, to help hold my hand when the tears wouldn't stop.  And I know that God had me go on this trip for D and W to continue building trust and bonds.  However, just because I knew all of this, doesn't make the leaving any easier.  In fact, it was waaaaay more difficult this time.  I felt like I got to be their temporary mama, but then had to go home and not be there anymore.  Words can't describe the tearing of my heart, but I will continue to go through that pain until my girls come home.  

What's the next steps?  Well.....

I am hoping to have good news very, very soon - however, I am going to leave a cliff-hanger until I have OFFICIAL news.  So stay tuned and keep those prayers coming!!  All 11 of our hearts need them!!

Chocolate and tears.....

Well this is a post I have dreading to write since early this week.  So grab some chocolate with me and take a read.

Last post, we were ever-so-close to being submitted to passports .....or so we thought.  Without getting into the nitty-gritty, we have actually take a step backwards.  Ugh, that hits me like a punch in the gut.  No one wants to hear that you've gone backwards in a process that has taken nearly 4 years!  But since I serve an all-knowing God, I will trust in the process that has to happen to legally bring our daughters home to us.  After we repeat this step, we will be back at the Passport submission stage once again.

So the new time frame?
Go ahead - take another bite of chocolate - it will be before Christmas.
Gulp.
Yes, I have had my breakdown and realize that crying never really works.  So we hold onto to positives in a time like this.  Hang on, let me think of one of those positives.....
Just joking - we have still been seeing God's timing and His fulfilling of His promises.
We just have to see it through in a different way than what we thought it was going to look like.

A verse I have been clinging to this week - Hebrews 10:35-36 - "Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward.  For you have need of endurance, so that when  you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised."  God never promised that the road to bring our girls home would be easy - He just asked us to follow Him and hold His hand, and have faith.  So that is what we are doing.  Don't get me wrong - this news was a PUNCH to the gut and a definite faith-tester.  We want to be told "job well done my servant" when we meet Jesus face-to-face and "talk through" the adoption.  So we will hold His hand and continue to let Him lead.

Music has become a huge help to me through this process and Casting Crowns did it again with their new song "Just Be Held".  I've had this song on repeat since the night we got the news.  The lyrics speak to me greatly - listen to some of these:

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held

Right???!!  Just be held Jen - that's all I keep saying this week!
Does God need to hold you today?  Let Him - it's the easiest way!

We are still accepting any and all prayers!!  We are asking for specific prayers:
-There are 4 families that are desperately wanting to fly through the courts.  Would you pray this happens for all 4 families?  7 children are waiting on this to happen to come home to their forever families!
+ChoPray that our girls continue to thrive in their current environment.
+Pray for me, I want to go and visit them one more time before homecoming, but leaving the girls once again, brings such heart-ache for all of us.  Remember that chocolate - eat more for me!!!
+Endurance for all of us - our kids here are so disappointed in this delay - so it is important that Ryan and I act in obedience.  We want to finish this four year marathon with God's grace, but we need strength and endurance.

Well - I have run out of chocolate, so I will close.  We are blessed to be lifted up by family and close friends to help us with this difficult news.  We thank God for everyone that has walked beside us in this journey!

Changes are coming!!!

So here it is .....almost July and we are still waiting on a homecoming....

However, the wait is getting closer to being over.

We are getting submitted to Passports tomorrow!  We have been waiting over a month to get to this stage!!  At the same time, we will be getting submitted to USCIS.  Both of these steps run concurrent to each other.  (Yay!!)  Both steps are taking about 6-8 weeks to complete.  Then last minute doctor appointments for the girls, some Visa printing, and then travel approval for the rest of us to buy tickets!!

Have we mentioned we are going the crazy route - and taking ALL the U.S. kiddos with us for pickup?  We have prayed and prayed about this since February and truly feel God's leading for this to happen.  So many advantages, only a few disadvantages.

At this point, we are going for an August homecoming!!  Pray with us that this happens!  You all have been so faithful in praying for us thus far and we are so glad you have teamed up with us!

In other news - the Batchelor's are on the move....
We are heading to Richmond, VA in July.  With Ryan's promotion brought a new set of orders.  I'm sure he's doing something really, really important - it just hasn't been put into long term memory for me yet.  I went to Richmond three times in the last two weeks, and the last time I traveled, I found a house!  We can't wait to host visitors after we cocoon a bit with our family!!

Batchelor Academy has started once again.  We are on Week 3, plugging right along.  We (ALL) chose to start early so we can take the maximum time off when the girls come home.  We are anticipating taking our two months off when we get back to solidify bonding and attachment.  We all get to just be a family, without too many distractions and other happenings!!

With all these changes, we are praying we don't forget anything .....ok, we are really praying we don't forget anyone at this point.  We will do our best to stay in communication, however, please realize that this is going to be some serious transitioning for our family.  We have some kiddos that are dealing with all the changes superbly, however, there are those that don't want to move!  Please pray for hearts to be flexible and that they feel grounded, even though everything is changing for them!  They are anxiously awaiting to meet their new sisters, and are even talking about what they are going to do with them first when we all get HOME!

HOME - what a sweet word for us at this time.

Update!!

We’ve had a lot of questions concerning our adoption – timelines, travel, how you can help, etc

So here’s the low-down:

The update – We flew through the smaller courts.  Our latest email from our agency gave us an 8-10 week arrival time of our girls.  However, we realistically think it will be anywhere from mid-June to end of July before we will travel to get them.  This is very exciting because we had planned for September! 

What about moving??? 

Yep, we are wondering the same thing!  God hasn’t revealed His plan for that yet.  Ryan’s orders are up in November, so at the latest we would be moving then, however, it could be anytime from now until Nov.

Where are we going???

Yep, we don’t know that either. 

Timing - So will you move before or after the girls come home? 

Uhhhhh, refer to the above two answers – we don’t know!!

The last few steps of the adoption are to finish up the court processes, issue our daughters passports and visas, and a final medical exam for both our girls.  Then we get the call we have been waiting for, for over 3 ½ years!!  It’s time to travel to get our girls!!  We have to stay in Haiti for 6 days and then we fly home. 

How will you communicate with the girls?  Jenny is furiously attempting to learn as much creole as possible.  Our daughters speak no English, so sign language and “caveman” creole is what we will be doing until the girls pick up English.

So many of you have asked how you can help.  First off, thank you for always supporting and praying us through!!  We still need those prayers desperately!! 

                -Pray for the language barrier. 

-Pray for everyone’s health – as many of you know, our youngest daughter has a blood condition that we are praying stays on the sidelines until we can get her here for good medical care. 

-Pray also for our travels.  We have decided to take the whole family on this trip.  What an experience for our kids here to truly see where part of our family comes from.  What an experience that all of our kids meet on Haitian soil where it will (hopefully) be less intimidating for the girls.  What an experience for us all to bond during that precious time of doing nothing but being together as a family!  This brings up a lot of extra work for Ryan and I – however, we are up for the task, and truly feel that God is opening this door for our family.  Please pray as we continue preparations for this trip. 

-Pray for our girls.  They are losing everything they know and totally trusting their new Papa and Manman!  Our older daughter has a tough outer shell that this will be difficult for her to do.  Pray specifically for leaving their friends they will leave behind, as well as the only place they have ever called home. 

What else????

Since we aren’t sure what arrival will look like yet – we aren’t sure what other help we will need.  So many of you locals have given us clothes, shoes, coats, etc so we are set there.  I’m sure we could always use meals directly after, as we will be cocooning after getting home for a couple of months.  We treasure your prayers throughout the whole process of homecoming!!!  If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask – we will do our best to answer!!

Update on a busy past two months.....

So many things have happened.  Happy, sad, traumatic, exciting times. 

I got to go and see my girls in November.  As many of you know, W was in the hospital the whole time I was there, so I didn't get much quality time with her.  I didn't find out she was in the hospital until my flight was getting ready to take off to PAP.  God worked out the timing for this trip, as well as how everything went down.  I'm not sure she even knew who I was because she was a on serious meds.  Necessary, but meds so powerful, the person looks as though they don't have life behind the eyes.  Yeah, heart-wrenching for this mama to see her baby look like this, when I've only ever seen her smiling.  She ended up being in the hospital a day shy of 3 weeks.  I got to see her twice for about 15 min each.  I have pictures with her, but I'm pretty sure that she won't remember me being there.  So much of that trip was very, very difficult and honestly, it's quite hard to talk about even to this day.  So I will keep the details to a minimum. 

My trip with D was FANTASTIC.  I will NEVER forget that moment when she saw me for the first time.  She was in school and I came into the room.  She turned to look at who it was, and that smile, oh that big smile of hers, forever ingrained into my heart!  She recognized me, she knew I was back to see her.  The first break she got she ran over and told me immediately that her sister was in the hospital.  I told her I knew and that I was hoping to go and see her that day.  She loved on me, crawled into my lap and held my hands.  My heart was about burst.  She knew I was her mama.  I quickly told her this wasn't the homecoming trip so as to not add to the confusion.  I told her we were getting closer, but to keep having faith that we would come back for her and W.  I enjoyed that recess more than any other of the time with her!!  She wouldn't let me go - I felt treasured!! 

We were in country for 4 days with the girls and that time flew by.  The goodbyes were just as difficult - I was hoping for some ease in my heart, nope.  I still wanted to bundle them into my bags and just leave with them.  I am very grateful for that time with my girls, but it makes me want to be their mama even more. 

So here we are almost 2 months have passed since I let their hands go down from a hug.  I'm already yearning to get back to them, to tell them we are on the next step, to have them tell me what they want to play next, to pick out their clothes, to learn more about them, to share more of our lives with them.  So much....  Ryan and I are planning another trip for their birthdays.  We were hoping to get them off the crèche property to just have time with them, but it looks like that isn't going to happen.  We are still working on the details for a trip in Feb.  We are really hoping to tell them they have a new last name and that it matches our last name. 

Today is a sad day.  I've got my "adoption playlist" rolling along with the tears.  Please Lord, let Your timing be quick on this decree.  Sometimes I feel my heart is going to burst and that my lungs can't get a full breath because I want to be with them.  But You know this, You know the exact date.  So I will do my best to rest.....I'm not good at that, so I will need Your help! 
Lord I need you, every hour I need you. 
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God how I need you. 

Another HUGE Step Closer

We got the email about 5:30pm that we had exited this long stage we have been waiting in.....6 months of silence! 

We had a huge party here - Ice Cream Sundae's all around!!  We called and told all our immediate family of the good news!!!  Squeals of delight, tears of joy, mixed in with whooping and hollering like you've never heard!!  We haven't shared the news with everyone yet, because we want to share it with our church family first!  They have been praying for this day since we got back from first meeting you! 

So what does this mean???  The waiting still continues, you aren't coming home....YET!  But, the best news is that I get to see you in November!!!  It's just Mama that gets to come.  Papa desperately wants to, but as he said, it's not his role right now.  He will stay home with the other kids and run the house, as well as earn money for our family.  He is a great provider and you will feel the security it provides when you get HOME!! 

So the next several steps are smaller, and hopefully less of a wait.  But there are a bunch of steps.  We all have to keep praying and having faith in God to get us speedily through the last part of our journey to bringing you girls home! 

We can't share you picture yet with everyone, until you get our last name, which hopefully will be in the next 2 months!  After that we have some more waiting in the courts to do and then Passports and approval from the government on both sides.  We are hoping for a Spring/Summer arrival of two beautiful girlies that we will complete our family!  It will be three years tomorrow that we started our long journey to finding you.  We knew God had something special in this whole process, we just didn't know the details, the who.... the when....  the process....  But God has made it abundantly clear you two girls are made to be Batchelor's babies!! 

Mama is busy, busy, busy making a list and checking it 900 times!  We get to come with your friends' mama as well, so that will be fun!!  We are talking about all that we are going to do together!  I will admit, I am a bit nervous about it:
     -Will you remember me?
     -How will you respond to me? 
     -Will you feel joy?  Or sorrow, knowing I am not going to be able to take you home yet? 
     -Will you remember our family sugars? 
     -How will you respond when I tell you, "Not yet baby girl, not yet?"
     -Will you trust that we will come back for you? 
     -Will this harden your heart towards us? 
     -Will you be even more sad when I leave again? 
So many questions, that I won't be able to answer until I see your sweet faces.  So for now, I will put the questions aside, be excited for our reuniting, and enjoy E.V.E.R.Y. S.I.N.G.L.E. moment I get to spend with you! 

Keep trusting, keep praying, keep hoping, but most of all, keep the faith that God designed our family this way and He will see it through - Promise Maker, Promise Keeper!

Too many months....

To my girlies:

It's been 6 months since I have seen you, or had any kind of communication with you!  Mama's heart is aching to see you and laugh with you!  But guess what....I am coming to see you!  We need one more signature for you to have our last name, and then I can get on a plane and come visit you.  It doesn't mean you are coming home then (I wish!!!), but it does mean that I get to connect with you a little more!  I am sad that Papa can't come, and he is too!  We need lots of faith for this trip to be pulled off, but we serve a God that can do it! 

Today we are celebrating your oldest sister's bday!  Any kind of tradition/celebration/holiday/etc gets harder and harder to celebrate.  We want you here, you are already part of our family, and we feel part of us is missing without you!  We want you to come spend the day with grandparents that are here visiting, we want you to sing with us as we wake Sister up, we want you to be jumping on the trampoline with the kids on this beautiful day, and we want you to eat a special dessert with us for E's birthday!  Like I said, each day gets harder and harder to spend without you in our house and part of our family! 

Last week was especially difficult for Papa and I.  Hurricane Matthew was heading for you and we couldn't do anything to keep you safe.  God protected you, thankfully, as He promises to do.  We got to see a picture of you after announcing that everyone was safe and Mama burst into tears when I saw your faces.  D, you are getting so tall!  W, your sweet smile melts mama's heart still!  I am glad all the nannies and staff were there to help you through what was probably a very scary time in your lives.  We were wishing we could be there to do that.  Hopefully soon we can comfort you and help you to feel safe.  There were many, many people praying for you! 

Only 24 more days until I lay my eyes on you - have faith girls, have faith....

Tonight....

August has been quiet, which we knew it would be - lots of vacationing going on in Haiti.  I get it, people vacation, people need breaks, people have lives of their own....

But man, my life feels like it has stopped tonight.  The ache down deep in my heart tonight is FOR.REAL.  The desire to hug my girls, to know they are safe, to give them their baths, to kiss them good night and double air-kiss like I do with my kids here - all that deep down is aching.

I know, I know - in Gods timing and I will obey that, but tonight it hurts....

So I turn to my worship music to help me remember that.
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me.  Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior."

I am trying to have that faith that goes so deep I can't falter, that I can't doubt, that I keep my eyes totally on God.  But tonight, that seems impossible.  If I put my music on repeat, maybe that will help??

When that failed, I had a chat with God.
Reassuring: "God you know the absolute perfect time to bring them home."
Claiming promises: "You will never leave me and won't give me more than I can handle."
Praying in faith: "This plan you started in motion, You will finish."
Somehow the tears still come tonight.....

I know eventually I will fall asleep with tears on my pillow and wake up to a new day feeling closer to God and truly lying in His hands....but tonight.....tonight is just.plain.hard!!

Under the Mango Tree....

Under this mango tree is the place I met my girls....
Under this mango tree is the place I first heard them laugh...
Under this mango tree is the place I received my first hug from one of them....
Under this mango tree is the place their little voices taught me creole...
Under this mango tree is where most of my memories with my girls are from....

I sure wish I was sitting under this beautiful mango tree now laughing with my girls, hearing their little voices speak so quickly in creole, and staring at their beautiful brown skin.  However, this can't be done yet.  I am choosing to be happy in God's timing. 

I get asked so much about the progress of our adoption.  I am choosing to be patient with people when I say there is nothing new to report.  Everyone means well. 

I hear about other kids loosing teeth, experiencing fireworks for the first time, or a breakout at the crèche of chicken pox.  I know I am missing some milestones in my girl's life.  However, I am choosing to rejoice in the surrounding adults that make these things better for them when I cannot. 

We started to move furniture around in our house in anticipation of getting everyone else settled before the girls homecoming.  It was exciting, however, when it was all done, it drastically pointed out that there were people missing in beds.  I am choosing to let God fill that emptiness. 

Most of my feelings now days are just that, they are choices that I must make....sometimes daily, sometimes more often.  I am unsettled in my life at home, knowing that part of my family is missing.  However, I must choose to be content in where God has me.  He is still teaching me, molding me, to be the best person he wants me to be.  I certainly won't be finished any time soon, but I am choosing to have confidence in my Lord that He will see this through to the end. 

So under the mango tree memories were made and I am ever so thankful for every single one of them!  Help me (most days) to continue to choose to be happy and content where you have me Lord. 

Hard Week

Not gonna lie - this week has been a difficult week for Mom!! 

I want so badly to have my girls home, to love on them, to have them enjoying things we do as a family, to be able to give them a kiss when they fall down, to be able to brush their hair, to be able to do all the "mom things" that I do with the kids already in my house. 

I can step back and see that all of this will come to happen in God's time, that He knows the perfect design for how and when it will all come true.  Because that's what it seems like most days - a dream that I'm waiting to wake up from.  I KNOW that God will take care of all the details, but this week has been a difficult one.  I don't want to wait any more, I want to snap my fingers and have my girls here with me. 

Today my 7 kiddos went to the eye dr.  I talked about my other two girls coming home and I let the words, "hopefully by the time we come back in a year, they will be with us" come out of my mouth.  I know I haven't lost hope, I am hopeful, but sometimes my hope grows dim and I feel like it will never happen....that the chunk of my heart that feels empty will never be filled. 

So during this most difficult time of waiting, I will fill that empty space in my heart with God's Word, with prayers said through tears, with a voice so loud I think I shout at God, with lyrics of songs that God puts in my mind:
     -.....so we wait, we wait for You.  God we wait, You're coming soon. 
     -.....If your heart's in a thousand pieces, If you're lost and you're far from reason, Just look up, and know you are loved
     -.....Promise maker, Promise keeper, You finish what you begin
     -.....More of you, less of me.  Make me who I'm meant to be. 
All of these songs have been on repeat (ask my kids, they are starting to get sick of them).  Anything I can do to keep the devil out and not let him get a foothold! 

Flee from me devil - this mama is holding strong to the promises of God and His plan for my life!!

A friend of ours is heading to Haiti and he is going to stop by the crèche and tell my girls that their Papa and Mama are still thinking about them constantly and loving them from far away.  I am also getting a board book ready to send to our agency of pictures of us together and then one of the ladies will take it on their next trip to the crèche, so that gives me hope - just some sort of communication!  We've been home for 10 weeks and it feels like 10 years!!  Please Lord, let the time start to fly by and the paper work start to move!!

It's a Friday.....

....and Friday's in our house mean more than just a weekend coming.  It's a day when we start listening for "popcorn".  Ryan and I have assigned our case worker a special tone on our phones when an email comes from her (a genius idea, thank you Apple, inc!)  Mondays and Fridays are when a local representative from our agency goes to the IBESR in Haiti and checks on cases.  So any news that comes through, will be on a Monday or Friday.  Quite frankly, I'm just waking up by Tuesdays so I usually miss Mondays as being a prospective time to hear popcorn.  But Friday.....I don't miss those days!! 

We have been home 4 weeks and 2 days.  While I don't count the days each day - I do after awhile.  Wondering what my girls have been up to.  Is W's cough better, is D still doing well in her French, did they have good days playing with their friends, did they get a hug today from anyone?  These are just a few things I think about so much.  I know they are being cared for in their orphanage, their basic needs are being met - fed, bathed, and clothed.  And yes, this is more than I can say for most orphans in Haiti and for that I am thankful. But understand, these are my daughters and I want so much more for them.  I want D to have a reason to break out in one of her huge smiles that make her big, beautiful eyes squint at the edges like mama's do.  I want W to be able to hang her thin little arms around her daddy's neck and see that look of safety in her eyes.  I want so much for those two little girls, actually, for all the kids in that orphanage.  We came to love all the kids at NPLH and we would take more than the 2 we are matched with if we could. 

God placed us in this journey with another couple whom we haven't even known that long, but I am forever grateful for their friendships.  The husband is a hilarious, fun-loving guy who could always bring a good perspective to the situation.  The wife, well she is a life jacket to me!  We have been checking in with each other since returning home and quite simply, she just gets it.  She described our time right now as living in a tunnel.  It is so accurate.  And without getting too heavy on here about where my head and heart is at - it just describes it to a nutshell.....a tunnel.  Sometimes, I feel like I am going through the motions and trying my hardest to be present, but at times, I just can't.  I try to be the upbeat person I normally am, sometimes I succeed and other times I feel like people can see right through me.  However, even though I'm in my tunnel most days, I know God comes to me there.  I love that - that He will come to where you are at anytime, in any mood, in any shape.  I Peter 5:10 - "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus.  So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 

Ryan and I had another conversation that I will have to tackle another post, but it started with....
It doesn't stop here....It doesn't stop with just bringing our girls home....God started us on this journey and we have no idea where it is going to take us.  All we know is that God is working on our hearts right now.....and we were shocked to hear that both of us felt pulls towards more - it just isn't clear what that "more" is right now.  Pray for us to hear God's voice in our busy lives, that we can distinguish what God is wanting from us, from our family.  And as always, pray for my daughters in a country far away, but not far from my heart!! 

A New Normal....

I am sitting here drinking a cup of hot cocoa - so different from where I was just a week ago.  I was sitting in a Haitian airport with sweat running down my back and face, wondering how I was going to make my legs move forward enough to get me on an airplane to fly out of a country that still held my girls! 

The most common question we get....that is, when I choose to go out into the real world, which quite frankly, I am perfectly content being in confinement in my home.... is "How was your trip?"  The person is usually beaming from ear to ear and expecting an exciting response from me.  Sometimes, I fake it, "Oh, it was good."  Sometimes I respond, "Well....you know..." while cringing inside.  And then other times I just break down, becoming a hot mess feeling like my heart is literally being ripped out all over again.  I know people don't understand.  I certainly didn't before I left!!  And really there is no way to understand unless you have gone through this process. 

We had two wonderful weeks with our daughters.  Most of their personal life I will keep private, because after all, it is their story.  Please don't be offended - that's just how we are going to do things.  There is no manual for how all this goes down, so we are choosing to write our own!!

These two weeks we were to "socialize and bond" with our girls.  We did all that and more.  Our oldest of the two girls (D) was much more aware of what was going on, especially at the end of our time.  She didn't like to see me cry and in fact, came over and wiped my tears away.  She is beautiful, bold and bouncy!!  She is a Batchelor through and through!! 

Our younger girl (W) is a more shy, timid, and charming little girl.  She would hang on our necks like she never wanted to let go.  I am not sure how much she truly understands what is going on - and part of me prefers it that way.  We would explain who the people in the pictures were and she would dutifully repeat their names and we would tell her they were her brothers and sisters, but I'm not sure how much of that she comprehended - it's a lot for a little gal!! 

We are amazed at how God picked these girls out for our family.  They are truly similar to some of their brothers and sisters!!  God has taken care of them thus far and we will continue to rest in the fact that He will take care of them until we can physically bring them home.  There will obviously be bumps along the road, but we are ready to tackle those bumps together as a family. 

The 7 kiddos here did wonderful while we were separated!  Shouts out to my sisters, brothers-in-law and parents who took such good care of them.  I'm not sure most of them wanted to come home!!  We will continue to talk through things with them and help them to understand the process and what's going to happen. 

As of right now, we have no idea when they girls will get to come home.  From what we can tell, it will still be at least a year before all the paperwork, courts, procedures, etc are complete.  While this seems like a daunting time frame - I am resting in the fact that my God I serve is powerful, that He can make this timeline shorter if He desires.  I am completely resting in the fact that His timing is perfect, as it has been thus far - not gonna lie - sometimes I have to remind myself of this every hour!! 

So that leaves us here - in this process of figuring out what our new normal is.  We left parts of our hearts in Haiti but I am glad that I serve a God who is in the business of healing hearts!!  We would love to have your support through prayers. 

It's been so long, so long, so long....

It has been a long ten (almost 11) months of silence. 

We had a trickle of information come in last weekend, Aug. 16th. 

But we still wait...

The next step is our official referral (finding out who our kiddos will be) and all the details they know about them.  We are very anxious and we both feel we are getting closer and closer.  This step is typically taking about 12 months to complete (we are almost at 11 months!). 

However, in this time of waiting, God has built our financial resources up!  We are less than 10% away from being fully funded!!!!  God is good and while we think He isn't doing anything, He truly is by providing for our future needs!!! 

So keep hanging on with us!  We know the wait can be boring, we know the wait can be daunting.....
but it's all in God timing and we are clinging to that! 

Hopefully our next blog will be more details about our kiddos! 

Four Leaf Clover Wish

This beauty brought me a four leaf clover this morning.  She says it is going to bring us luck and we will find out who the kiddos are that belong in our family within 3 days!  I didn't have the heart to tell her that probably won't happen.  She was so excited, so we'll just go with it!  It brightened my day if nothing else!  That heart of hers is incredibly BIG!!! 

Our next fundraiser!

139 envelopes

So here's how it works - there are 139 envelopes - why 139? Great question!!! 

Psalm 139

 

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me. 

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

 

You hem me in - behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such a knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me."

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when i was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

 

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;

you adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up again you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts,

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

You choose an envelope, and you donate that amount of money. It's that simple.

If you choose envelope #5, you donate $5. If you choose envelope #139, you donate $139. You get the idea, right? Some select envelopes will have bonus items associated with them (Ex: candy bar, coloring page, gift cards, etc.... so choose wisely, you may just end up with a gem from our family!)

We will keep everyone updated on what numbers have already been purchased and which envelopes are still available. If there is a denomination that you really want and someone already took that envelope, choose two envelopes to add up to that number! We also would love to hear why you chose a number if it is special to you!  For example, I had a sweet friend who was going to buy a necklace and she gave us the money instead of purchasing the necklace.  It was a touching gesture that I had never thought of doing, and want to start being more proactive about doing the same thing! 

If we get all 139 envelopes, we will raise almost $10,000 ($9619 to be exact)! AMAZING! This would almost take care of our last LARGE payment that is due. We are continually blessed and astounded at how God has taken care of our finances with this whole journey. He has always provided and we trust in Him to finish this journey with us! Want to join us?  Either message (email, FaceBook message, text or reply somehow!) and tell me what number envelop you would like. 

**As a side note - this fundraiser came from my daughters heart. She is a giver, a compassionate hearted person that loves people. She came to me wanting to sell things like potholders, rainbow loom bands, etc. I wasn't sure how that would come about, seeing as the market isn't necessarily booming for those kinds of items! However, I didn't want to squash her spirit. She then said that she wanted to give some of her personal money towards raising funds for the adoption. Again, I didn't want to take her money, since she and her siblings are raising enough money for a plane ticket home for one of the kiddos. I prayed and prayed about how I could involve her more, since she was obviously interested in being actively involved in raising funds. So I started searching for ways for her to be involved. This is where the idea started and we, as a family, decided this was a fun way for everyone to be involved.**

God at work!

Sending thankful prayers up to my God today! 

One of my friends just got a travel date notice to go and pick up their son!  This other mama and I have been on our adoption journey together for over a year.  I am soooo grateful that they get to meet and give him a forever home very, very soon!  God is good all the time! 

I know it is quiet on our end here recently, but praise God with me today loudly that He knows exactly what He is doing - matching families, clearing government red tape, sending out travel dates, etc!  God is working for those that don't have an earthly family YET!