Not gonna lie - this week has been a difficult week for Mom!!
I want so badly to have my girls home, to love on them, to have them enjoying things we do as a family, to be able to give them a kiss when they fall down, to be able to brush their hair, to be able to do all the "mom things" that I do with the kids already in my house.
I can step back and see that all of this will come to happen in God's time, that He knows the perfect design for how and when it will all come true. Because that's what it seems like most days - a dream that I'm waiting to wake up from. I KNOW that God will take care of all the details, but this week has been a difficult one. I don't want to wait any more, I want to snap my fingers and have my girls here with me.
Today my 7 kiddos went to the eye dr. I talked about my other two girls coming home and I let the words, "hopefully by the time we come back in a year, they will be with us" come out of my mouth. I know I haven't lost hope, I am hopeful, but sometimes my hope grows dim and I feel like it will never happen....that the chunk of my heart that feels empty will never be filled.
So during this most difficult time of waiting, I will fill that empty space in my heart with God's Word, with prayers said through tears, with a voice so loud I think I shout at God, with lyrics of songs that God puts in my mind:
-.....so we wait, we wait for You. God we wait, You're coming soon.
-.....If your heart's in a thousand pieces, If you're lost and you're far from reason, Just look up, and know you are loved
-.....Promise maker, Promise keeper, You finish what you begin
-.....More of you, less of me. Make me who I'm meant to be.
All of these songs have been on repeat (ask my kids, they are starting to get sick of them). Anything I can do to keep the devil out and not let him get a foothold!
Flee from me devil - this mama is holding strong to the promises of God and His plan for my life!!
A friend of ours is heading to Haiti and he is going to stop by the crèche and tell my girls that their Papa and Mama are still thinking about them constantly and loving them from far away. I am also getting a board book ready to send to our agency of pictures of us together and then one of the ladies will take it on their next trip to the crèche, so that gives me hope - just some sort of communication! We've been home for 10 weeks and it feels like 10 years!! Please Lord, let the time start to fly by and the paper work start to move!!
